New Year, New Site!

For new posts, please check out my new home at  http://welchandvangogh.wordpress.com.

Plans for 2010…

In case you haven’t noticed, it has been quite a while since my last post. Truth be told, I am taking a break from blogging for a while. There are a few reasons for this, lack of time to dedicate to regular writing, laziness and lack of inspiration. I have found it increasingly difficult to find things that I am excited to write about. The inspiration to write has not come as easily since my relocation several months ago. That is not to say that my life however is without inspiration. Quite the contrary. In fact, I have become more and more inspired to actually live my life (versus just writing about it) these past several weeks. I have been working really hard toward new goals and am ready to embrace my new grown up life.

I will be turing 25 this year, a quarter century in 2010. Something about that just had a nice ring to it and I have never been more aware of actually “growing up” as I have been this last year. 2009 has been a year of living and learning (although I think I would have been just fine learning without having to actually live all of it, but whatev) and I look forward to 2010 and embracing my mid-twenties revived and ready to face the world as the person I ultimately want to be. I am a big fan of list making. In fact, I get great joy from it and places like the aisle OfficeMax with all the post-its and notepads can send me into euphoria (yep that’s right gentlemen, I’m that easy). So naturally I have begun making a list of the things I want to accomplish in this next year, well, a little less than a year, by the time I turn 25 in August. I’m calling it 25 by 25 (not to be confused with 25×25 which is apparently some energy/environmental movement). I will be journaling my adventures as I live them but not publicly—not right away at least. There is something to be said about reflection for the sake of personal growth versus the entertainment of others. I haven’t decided exactly how I am going to present my reflections, whether it be a new blog or some other means but I will certainly keep you all posted.

I love all of you for even glancing at my blog as discovering my love for writing has literally been my saving grace this past year and I would not be able to continue on with it had it not been for your support. I look forward to this new adventure and know I will learn a lot and hopefully it will eventually make for entertaining reading for you all. Enjoy this Chrismukkah season and I will write to you all next year!

Raquel

I’d like some welfare please.

Apparently I have been living in denial about my financial situation for quite some time now but thankfully, reality hit me hard on the head and I realized that I am tragically broke. While a year ago I could go out to dinner 2-3 times a week, order whatever I would like (including overpriced cocktails) without paying much attention to the price, this is no longer the case. I went from disposable income, to discretionary income. Meaning, previously, I would literally dispose of my excess income on clothes, makeup, shoes, vacations you name it. Now, I have to use discretion when it comes to my excess income. It is called a budget. Now, I have heard of a budget before, it was something that other people had as a way to tell them what they could and couldn’t get. I certainly didn’t have a budget. Having a budget sucks.

So I decided to see if it were possible for me to exploit government programs and get some free money courtesy of Uncle Sam. I actually got the idea from one of my favorite television shows, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In the episode “Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare” Dennis and Dee decide to go on unemployment and then welfare in order to avoid doing grunt work at Paddy’s Pub. Ultimately (as always) their plan sort of failed and they ended up addicted to crack.

It’s an awesome episode.

After having ramen noodles for lunch the other day at work, I thought, this has to stop. I secretly wondered if maybe my ridiculous excuse for a paycheck would qualify me for food stamps. I mean why not? It’s a recession, ain’t no shame in getting shit for free if you ask me. After work I checked out a website to see if I could qualify for food stamps. I took a quick little survey that asked me questions about my income to see if it was even worth applying for government assistance. The good news is that I did not have to check the box that says my primary vehicle is also used as my home, the bad news is that I don’t qualify for assistance. Well, that is actually good news. It means I am not poor. However, the bad news, is that the difference between me (“tragically broke”) and truly poor is a monetary gap so small, I am almost embarrassed to write it. Not sure how I feel about that. Since the gap was not a large amount, I briefly thought about exploiting the fact that I live with my grandmother to see if I could get some free money from the state. While that isn’t as bad as becoming a crack addict in the name of government assistance, it is certainly in the same zip code.

I guess that is the hilarious tragedy of it all. I am too broke to have the life free of financial worry that I dream of, yet not poor enough to matter. It is kinda like when I was applying to college. My parents didn’t make enough money to write a check for $30 grand to pay for a year’s tuition at a private college, but they made too much money for the government to send me there for free (or at least a large discount). So if you call me to hang out and do something that costs money and I politely decline, you can find me sittin on my front porch drinkin a forty plotting up new ways to get money that don’t involve actually working for it.

Peace out bitches.

Welcome to my life.

Since moving back to Texas several months ago I have found it increasingly difficult to find inspiration for new material. I mean I don’t live in an exciting city, there aren’t any (and I mean any) dateable men here and my job pretty much sucks. So what is a witty writer to do when she is fresh out of material? Look at her own life of course!

I wholeheartedly believe that truth is stranger than fiction. Case in point, my life: I am a single 24 year old woman living in Texas. Honestly, I could stop right there because that statement in and of itself is hilarious. To be single in Texas is a fate worse than death. To be single in Texas at 24 comes with the unique stigma of being a lost cause, a spinster who will die alone. Now seems like the appropriate time to add that I will be acting as Maid of Honor in a great friend’s wedding next weekend. Yep, that’s right, maid of HONOR. A girl who writes a blog called Witty Bitch, will be the personification of honor in T minus six days.

So ok, relationship status aside, I come from a family that is so mixed up and crazy Ryan Seacrest wishes he had the rights to a reality show to replace the so-over-it-right-now Keeping Up With the Kardashians. There is me and my younger brother whom an hour ago my best friend reminded me is “so f*cking hot”. He is newly in the Navy, newly back on dry land, and newly single in San Diego. Then there are my parents who honestly deserve their own show. My mother (appropriately named Teresa) is perhaps the greatest mother of all time. And not just to me, like everyone else adopts her as their own mother. She and my dad got married when I was six. This is the point in the conversation where I explain the “mixing up” of my family. So ok, I’m brown. Like Obama brown. My biological father was black and my mom is white, their relationship ended when I was very young and then my mother met the man who is now my dad. This man is the whitest man on the planet. Like New England white. He and my mom got married and then in the 3rd grade we went to a courthouse in California, talked to a judge about how he built me a dollhouse and my brother a train set while my mom was working the night shift at the hospital as a nurse and that we would really liked him as our dad. Next thing you know, my last name is now different and he is “officially” our new dad (although he was pretty much daddy to me right from the beginning).

He and my mother are absolutely hilarious together. He the sarcastic, witty, intelligent man from New England and my mother the fun-loving, silly, class skipping drill team alum from Southern California. If only there were cameras present to capture the homemade Facebook photo shoot in the backyard. “Honey, you need a new profile picture.” Brilliant. Anywho, daddy got a big promotion so he and mom packed up and moved to the DC suburbs where he will continue to work for the government doing a job that I don’t fully understand (I not so secretly think he is in the CIA, if a black van with no windows rolls into my driveway in the morning, we all know why) and my mom will continue her job as “professional wife” (she actually lists this as her profession on Facebook) cooking, cleaning, shopping and scoping out vacation homes. Lucky for me, they have kept their house in Texas and I am not gonna be homeless. It is kinda awesome living at your parents house for free, but living at your parents house for free without your parents is AWESOME!

But…real life is a little bit different. It wouldn’t be my life without a hilarious twist: you see my Irish grandmother, Grams, lived in my parents house too. So although mom and dad left, me and Grams stayed. For most people being roommates with your grandmother may sound less than thrilling. Well, that’s because your grandmother probably doesn’t drink bloody Mary’s (and ironically enough, her name is Mary—you can’t make this shit up!) before noon and wine in a box after. Grams is a glorious cross between Cloris Leachman and that crazy little granny from Wedding Crashers. I love that woman. Sharing a home with her means home cooked meals on the regular and the familiar sound of her yelling at the television when the Cowboys can’t get their shit together. Plus, I know there is no judgement when she comes into the kitchen just as I am adding a little tequila to my lemonade. Instead its “ooh! making a drink? I know we’ve got a bunch of Kahlua and Bailey’s in there too if you want a little dessert.”

Welcome to my life.

Grams and Me

I have a bone to pick with your Facebook updates

Remember the days when you would hear about peoples lives through other people? “Hey! You know Karen is a buyer for Barney’s and just got engaged to that doctor she has been dating.” Somehow it was an easier pill to swallow since it was coming from a third party. There was no self-promotion.  No “look at me!’ parade. Nowadays with Facebook and Twitter, every accomplishment and life event is shared to the world directly from the source. And all that “I’m getting a promotion!’ “I’m engaged!” and “I’m going to Europe with my boyfriend!” becomes annoying as shit. I think it’s the “I” that is the catalyst in this annoying status update war. Enough with the self-congratulatory posts already.

I have a love-hate relationship with status updates. Part of me has an insatiable appetite for gossip and a need to know what is going on in other people’s lives. I like to see pictures from amazing vacations I can’t take and of groups of friends I am no longer part of due to physical or emotional distance. The other side of me gets annoyed, jealous, judgemental and often times confused–”What?! How can she be engaged and not me?!” Perhaps it is just a simple case of TMI. While is it awesome to use social networking sites as a great way to keep in touch without having to actually put forth the true effort to sustain friendships for years on end, do we really need to post updates like a news ticker on CNN?

No one cares that baby Connor just pooped in the big boy potty for the first time. No one needs to know you just started your period. And no one wants to hear every little detail of your life. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of the excessive status update, but I write a blog, ok? It is part of my job to self-promote. Besides, my updates are awesome.

BRB

When I read books I think, “I wanna do that”. And I am not speaking in reference to the subject matter of the book, I am talking specifically about the act of writing. When I read a great book I am inspired to write a great book. When I read a well written article I am inspired to write a great article. Point is, I am a writer at heart.

I have missed writing here on my little blog but I shall return my loves from this little hiatus called life. I know you have probably been worried about me and missing my witty and charming commentary on life. Fear not dear reader for I also have been worried about you. Hell, I got out of bed at 2:30 AM to say BRB. It’s like the blogosphere equivalent to a guy waiting over a week to call you back after a date. Actually, it’s more like the internet version of sending an old friend a text message about how the two of you should have a great phone call in the near future and catch up. So what do you say friends, blog date soon? Awesome, can’t wait.

 

PS: I love you.

My friends are better than your friends.

It is often said that great minds think alike. It is also common knowledge that cool, talented and all around amazing people hang out together. Case in point my friend, and incredibly talented singer songwriter, Veronica Lee Estes singing from her Brooklyn apartment. Not only is this girl beautiful and talented, but she let me crash on her couch and made me breakfast when I had no place else to go in NYC– and I had only met her once before!–not counting a run in outside a GAP dressing room in San Antonio, which is weird since neither one of us really shops at the GAP… I know it is no surprise that someone as funny, witty and talented as I would keep such good company but just in case you doubted how cool I actually am, now you can rest assure that I am cool at the very least by association. Anywho, check out her video here.

See: The September Issue

One of life’s little pleasures is going to movies alone. I like to punctuate my weekend with a lovely solo sunday evening movie. This time I took a break from my NY Fashion Week stalking to catch The September Issue, a documentary which takes us inside the makings of VOGUE’s biggest issue ever and gives us a rare glimpse at the wonder that is Anna Wintour.

I loved the movie, to me it was like fashion porn: NY Fashion Week, Paris Couture shows and designer cameos from Vera Wang, Oscar de la Renta and Thakoon. While I am a big fan of fashion and a lover of fashion mags, I was never really a VOGUE girl but after seeing this film, I have a newfound love and respect for the magazine (I even kind of appreciate its defiance and refusal to change its content during the recession—VOGUE is not accessible, it is aspirational!). I have always liked Anna Wintour and had a general respect for her as a business woman and I never really bought into the hype that she is an ice queen or uber bitch. The woman runs the most influential magazine in the game and one of the most influential magazines in the world, pardon her for not warming up to you by discussing the results of American Idol. I watched her on David Letterman and found her quite pleasant and with a sense of humor and The September Issue proves that she is multifaceted and very well respected by colleagues in the fashion world. Who else can make world renowned designers literally shake in their boots at the thought of presenting her their collections? That woman demands respect. I kind of want to be her.

I was particularly drawn to the genius creative director Grace Coddington who began working at VOGUE the same time as Anna Wintour. She is the creativity behind the beautiful fashion spreads. Her vision and ability to take an idea and implement it into a beautiful layout is like a maestro leading a symphony. It is Grace who turns what is just a picture of a girl in expensive and outlandish clothes, into a story. Her vision often clashed with Anna’s but you could see where each person had a valid point. Anna in one scene ditched a photo that Grace was particularly attached to (and it was absolutely stunning) but Anna didn’t feel that it was cohesive with the overall fashion spread (which I happened to also agree with).

Perhaps the most telling aspect of the film was the humanity behind Anna Wintour. Seeing her interact with her daughter Bee Schaffer (who is adamant about not going into her mother’s business) was refreshing. This is a woman who loves her daughter and not so secretly sees that she has an editorial eye and would love for her to follow in her footsteps. Bee is clearly a daughter who loves her mother but has carved out her own interests and identity.

Overall the movie was wonderful. It is a great inside view at an industry that is often criticized. No fashion is not rocket science, but it is a bit more than clothes: fashion is art. It is art, it is inspiration and it is creative expression at its finest. And it is fun! I mean yes some of the stuff coming down the runways and the stuff  in magazines is outlandish, but who cares? It is fun, it is like playing dress up…for grown ups.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 5

One week.

OMFG I can hardly contain my excitement.

Listening to: Kate Nash

I am loving Kate Nash and have been ever since her songs first appeared on my Pandora radio channel. To call her a cross between Lily Allen and Sara Bareilles would be selling her short. Her debut album Made of Bricks came out two years ago and her single “Foundations” hit #2 on the charts in the UK. Her song “Nicest Thing” is perhaps the most realistic love song ever. It is like the lyrical version of 500 Days of Summer: beautiful in its simplicity and honesty. The lyrics are so innocent yet beautiful but when put together with the haunting musical composition, they give the song a unique depth. Here is a sample from my favorite verse:

 I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,

Cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.

Basically, I wish that  you loved me.

I wish that you needed me.

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I am also totally loving this animated video of “Nicest Thing” on YouTube. Check it out:

“Merry Happy” and “Mouthwash” are other favorites. She is currently working on her second album so thankfully there is more of this lovely lady to come.